Life has been overwhelmingly busy the last couple of months. As a result my recovery efforts have seriously fallen by the wayside. I keep telling myself I need to take just 10 minutes to sit down and read from the ARP manual or HTC handbook. Yet it seems as though there is NEVER just 10 minutes to do anything. There is always something else that needs done or somewhere to run.
Things have been going really well for my husband and I. We have had some rough points (my fault), but for the most part things have been good. Real good. We have been reconnecting on a different, much deeper level than we ever have before. We have been HAPPY. It is an amazing feeling. And so scary at the same time. Scary because I know that this happiness can be gone in an instant.
This past week something happened that was extremely triggering for me. The happiness I had been feeling was immediately gone and in it's place was fear, anger, hurt, sadness, and a feeling of worthlessness. I was blindsided by how betrayed and hurt I felt. I feel broken.
How could this particular thing happen if my husband was really in recovery. Surely, something has happened in his recovery to allow this in after so long. It HAD to be something HE had or had not done. Why would this happen otherwise?!?
This latest trigger along with what I see other WoPA's facing right now has rocked my world. I am left questioning my testimony in a loving Father in Heaven and the healing power of the Atonement in my life and the lives of others. I don't understand how a perfect, loving parent could sit back and watch His children suffer at the hands of other's actions.
