Survived & Thrived

Right about now Mr. Hopeful is boarding the first of several airplanes on his way home from his business trip.  The count down is on . . . only 9 hours or so until he walks through the door.

I can't tell you how excited I am to see him.  To throw my arms around him and squeeze the life out of him. 

I was quite nervous for him to leave this week.  When Mr. Hopeful has traveled for work in the past it was a time of indulging in his addiction.  I always felt a disconnect, especially on the phone, but never quite understood why until the addiction came to light. 

So of course it goes without saying, business trips are a HUGE trigger for me.  I was worried about what could possibly happen this week.  I am reminded of this quote from the Healing Through Christ manual yesterday, " . . . worrying about them does not keep them from happening.  Worrying can make us 'terminally miserable', [merely] enduring life, getting through, waiting for our reward in heaven, not knowing that there is a reward each day in being alive and living our own lives." 

In the past, worrying all week about what Mr. Hopeful may or may not do has kept me from living MY life.  Worrying if he was lusting after women at the restaurant or driving along the freeway kept me from enjoying my children and the joy they bring to my life. 

This week was good.  I didn't worry.  I didn't fear.

 I survived.  I thrived!

Sure there were times when a thought of doubt would enter in, but those worries and fears were quickly dispelled.  If a thought troubled me more I said a prayer and asked that it be taken away. 

I felt much comfort and peace this week. 

Some of the things that we did, and will do for future trips (he has two more week long trips in the next month =( ), 1--had family prayer over the phone, 2--the kids prayed for us here at home and dad in their personal prayers, 3--Mr. Hopeful called to say a quick "Hi, I love you.  Hope your day is going well." everyday, 4--He and I attended meetings (by phone or in person), 5--Mr. Hopeful and I ended our nights by reading a talk or sharing something we learned from our meeting or the scriptures, 6--had couple prayer over the phone, 7--went to bed early. 

I had also asked Mr. Hopeful for a blessing previous to him leaving.  I will be asking for a blessing before each trip as I received much strength and comfort from this one.

Sparrow had mentioned that her husband had prayed "for his hotel room to be a place for the Spirit to reside."  Mr. Hopeful commented on how much he felt the spirit in his room as he did this.  Thanks Sparrow! ;)

Travel is a part of Mr. Hopeful's job and I am so grateful that he has a job, a good job, that provides SO much for our large family.  I know that as we turn to the Lord, He gives us, Mr. Hopeful, myself, and our family, the strength and peace to survive these difficult trips.  Not just survive, but to be happy.  To have hope.  To have strength to deal with the temptations and the fears.

To THRIVE.

Love

credit

 

Today is Valentine's Day.  I know for many WoPA's (Wife of Porn Addicts) this day is not the best day of the year.  Too many of us are painfully reminded of the hurt and betrayal of our spouse's addiction.  It can be hard to want to feel love for someone that has hurt us so deeply.

 

When I first found out about hubby's addiction I was so hurt and so angry that I wasn't sure I loved him anymore.   I struggled knowing that I had spent 15 years loving him only to learn that he didn't love me enough to NOT do what he was doing.  I didn't understand addiction and what it had done to his mind.  I didn't understand that he did love me, but his ability to love others and to feel love was crippled.

 

After much prayer and asking to see hubby as the Lord sees him, I can honestly say that the Lord has blessed me with a greater love and compassion for my husband.  A love that continues to grow and deepen.

 

I love hubby's willingness to share his testimony with those around him, especially with myself and our children.  He loves the Savior and all that He has done for him.

 

I love when he wrestles with our older boys and when he patiently reads the same two or three books over and over to our 2 year old.  He is a great dad.

 

I love the example of hard work he is to our children.  I love that he desires to teach them how to work and the importance of it.

 

I love him for all he does to support his family, to provide us with a good life.

 

I love him for all he does to help me out around the house--sweeping, washing dishes, picking up after the kids, bathing kids, getting up early to make lunches and get the kids off to school, and so much more.

 

I love him for loving me when I am at my worst.

 

I love him for his sincere compliments of me.

I love his quirky sense of humor and that after 16 years together he can still make me laugh.

 

I love that he takes our boys fishing and enjoys spending time with them. 

 

I love to see him hold his baby girl and see the love he feels for her.  He is so gentle and loving to her.

 

I love that he supports me in my own recovery and is excited when I  share things with him.

 

I love that he shares insights and things he has learned from his personal study with me.  He teaches me and has helped me understand many things of the gospel.

I love him for never blaming his addiction on me.  He always made me feel attractive and loved.  He was never mean or angry. 

 

I love that he enjoys so many different foods and is always encouraging me to try new and different meals for our family.

 

I admire him for his courage in attending his group meetings.  He is such an example of humility.

 

I love him for the man that he is becoming.  For the changes that the Lord is bringing about in him.

 

I love when he hugs me tightly upon coming home from work and then again throughout the evening.

 

I love him for his patience with me as I try to work my way through the trauma that I have experienced.  Even when it means the anger is aimed at him.  He is understanding, gentle, and loving.

 

I love that he is able to help our boys with homework problems that I can't help them with.  I love that he is willing to do so.

 

I love that he enjoys gardening and the joy that growing a successful garden brings him.

 

I love his tender heart and admire his ability to cry when the spirit touches him. 

 

I love the happiness I see in his eyes.  I love hearing him laugh and seeing him smile.

 

I love hearing him pray and feeling of his love for our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

 

I love that he is my best friend.  I love that we can cry together.  We can laugh together and enjoy each other's company.

 

I love that he loves me despite my many weaknesses.   I love that he sees me for who I can be.

 

I love that he strives to live every day to bring the spirit into his life, into our marriage, and into our home.  He is a great example to me of turning his will over to the Lord.

 

My heart is full of gratitude for my husband.  He is a good man.  A great father.  A good husband.  He is working hard to become an even better man, dad, and husband.  I love him so much for that.  He is a great example to me and our children.  I am grateful to the Lord for blessing me with the ability to see all the good in my husband.  To see him as the Lord sees him and see a glimpse of his potential.

Lifting Burdens

 

A few weeks ago I had a day when I was struggling a great deal.  I felt very down on myself.  I felt forgotten by the Lord, despite knowing in my heart otherwise.  In turn, I isolated myself from Him.

I had an experience that day that made me know that He hadn't forgotten me.  He IS aware of me and He loves me. That He will carry me through this difficult time.

I stepped out of the shower that morning and heard my 2-year old crying.  He is always climbing up on something so I was afraid that he might have fallen or might possibly be stuck up on a shelf unable to get down.  I quickly threw a towel around me and ran to the sound of his cry.

I found him at the bottom of the stairs with an arm full of toy cars.  He was trying desperately to carry all of the cars but he kept dropping them.  As he would pick one up two more would drop.  He was frustrated that he couldn't carry all of them. 

In effort to help him, I bent down to take the cars from him and carry them up the stairs for him which caused him to cry all the more.  I tried to let him know that I was only trying to help him, but he was UPSET.  He wanted to carry all of them on his own despite being able to.

As this situation played out I received a strong impression from the Lord.  I have been trying to carry everything on my own, unable to because there is just too much.  I don't have to try to do it on my own.  He is there for me, waiting for me to hand my burdens, my "arm full of cars", to Him.

It is not like this lesson was new to me in anyway, but I needed a gentle reminder.   

Like my son, I have "screamed" at the Lord when He has tried to help me with my load.  When I thought I need to do this on my own.  Other times I have handed him a few of my "cars" only to take them back.

A scripture came to mind as I pondered on this lesson I had been taught.  "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer righteous to be moved." (Psalms 55:22-emphasis mine)

I need to be willing to hand my burdens over to Him.  By doing so He will bless me with His grace to patiently endure the trials that I face. 

I can't expect Him to take ease my burdens without doing something for Him.  In Matthew 11:28-30 we read,

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke [name of Christ] upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (emphasis added)
 

He has asked us to come to Him.  To learn of Him.  When we do so He will ease our burdens.  He will give us rest.

What an amazing blessing this is.

Because of His willingness to suffer for each of our sins, temptations, sorrows, pains, discomforts, etc, the Savior has a perfect knowledge of what we are feeling.  The burdens that we are carrying because He carried them FOR us.  He has compassion on us in our times of difficulty. 

Elder Flávio A. Cooper said,

"The Savior can respond to our requests for help in several ways, including (a) relieving or lightening our burdens, (b) increasing our strength to carry our burdens, (c) allowing increased burdens to give us needed experience, and (d) not providing immediate help in order to test and strengthen our faith and to teach us."
 

I have personally felt my burdens be made light and even relieved when I have turned to Him in moments of struggle.  I have received strength to carry the burdens that I have been asked to carry. 

In Mosiah we read the story of Limhi and his people.  The lamanites "put heavy burdens on the backs" of the people of Limhi.  They humbled themselves before the Lord and prayed that he might deliver them from their afflictions.  While the Lord didn't deliver them from bondage he did soften the hearts of the Lamanites that their burdens were lightened.

Then later in Mosiah it tells of Alma and his brethern whose burdens were made light.  “The burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:15)

I find great peace in this quote by Elder Marion D. Hanks. "Thus the promise is that in times of sorrow and affliction, if we endure and reamin faithful and put our trust in Him and are courageous, the Lord will visit us in our afflictions, strengthen us to carry our burdens and support us in our trials.  He'll be with us to the end of our days, lift us at the last day to greater opportunities for service, and exalt us at last with Him and reunited loved one, and He will consecrate our afflictions to our gain."

Consecrate means--Make or declare sacred; dedicate formally to a religious or divine purpose.

While it may not seem so while we are in the thick of it, the difficulties of life are a blessing.  They "initiate a desire within us to come to the Lord." (quote from The Peacegiver)  Our trials and afflictions are there to help us to humble oursleves and turn to Him.  To become more like Him.  This is the divine purpose of our trials.

'And now, my brethren, I desire that ye shall plant this word in your hearts, and as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith.  And behold, it will become a tree, spirnging up in you unto everlasting life.  And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son.  And even all this can ye do if ye will.  Amen" (Alma 33:23)

Going back to the story of my son, there was no possible way for him to carry all of the cars that he was wanting to without dropping them or without help from me.  Just like him, there is no way that I can even begin to carry all that I have been given on my own.  I am not expected to.  I am asked to have faith, learn of Him, and turn to my Savior. 

He can and will help me to carry my burdens.  But I need to allow Him to.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)

He will strengthen me.