Journey of Patience

It is said that recovery is a journey, a process, and NOT an end destination.  That every day we need to be diligent in our efforts otherwise we leave ourselves open to the real possibility that we will return to our old, unhealthy behaviors.  I have also heard that recovery is hard work.
That for the addicted it has been described as one of the hardest things they will have to do in their lives.  At times this is overwhelming and defeating to me.

There are days where I am so emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained from working my recovery that I just want to quit.  I want to go back to "normal".  Whatever that is.  

A few weeks ago Mr. Hopeful was told in a blessing to "have patience in the process."  

I have thought a lot about this line from his blessing the last few days.  I admit that at times I have NOT had much patience in the process, with myself or Mr. Hopeful.  There are times where I think, "It has been 7 months already why can't you be honest and upfront with me."  "Why do you still struggle with not objectifying women around you."  "Why can't I be okay with his efforts in being honest?"   "Why are there some days where the pain is still so suffocating?"  "Why don't I respond better to triggers instead of accusing and blaming?"

I have never been a real patient person.  Several years ago when we moved into our house, functionally it didn't work the best for our family of 7.  The kitchen was small, so small that the refrigerator didn't fit and was in the laundry room down the hall, and the living room was painfully small.  When we purchased the home we had talked about adding on in the future.  Which in Mr. Hopeful's mind meant a few years down the road, possibly.  For me, it meant NOW.  Or at least as soon as we could get approved for an equity line and start the work.  Because of my impatience in waiting we now have an extra debt that we are paying down.  But we do have a nice, open great room area that fits our now family of 9. 

If I am not careful, if I am not patient, we most definitely will end up in a much worse situation than just an extra debt.  If I try to rush the process of healing and recovery for either myself or Mr. Hopeful it could do further damage to our marriage.  Possibly bringing it to an end.  I need to put my trust in the Lord and allow Him to guide me through this process.  I need to allow Him to guide Mr. Hopeful along in his journey. 

There are days where it is hard to see how far each of us have come in our recoveries.  Days when all I can see is the hurt which blinds me to the amazing man that I see emerging as my husband strives daily to turn to the Lord.  Days when my eyes are blinded to the changes that the Lord has brought about in myself.  Changes in the way I interact with the kids, with Mr. Hopeful.  Changes in my priorities--i.e. scripture study, prayer, journaling, my over-all spirituality. 

This really is a journey.  Not just for this year, the next five years, or the next twenty.  Recovery is truly the journey of life.  I believe it is why we are here on this earth.  Recovery is the process where we, as individuals, have the opportunity to come to know, personally, the Savior.  Where we learn how to access the Atonement and apply it in our own lives. 

We all have weaknesses, addictions, shortcomings, etc. that we need to overcome.  No matter what we may think, we can NOT overcome them on our own.  It is only through Jesus Christ that we can overcome any of it.  It is only through His redeeming love that we can ever hope to be changed and become the person that we CAN be.  

I love what the missionary said in one of the 12-step meetings I called into.  He said "Missionaries have the manual "Preach My Gospel".  I think the ARP manual should be called "Live My Gospel."  I also heard it called the Atonement Redemption Program. 

I do believe that as I am patient with myself and with the Lord, that I will be shown those things in myself that He would have me change.  I know that He doesn't expect me to make those changes on my own.  I can't.  I am so grateful for the enabling power of the Atonement which helps me to do those things that I cannot do for myself..  Helps me to make those changes in myself that are necessary for me to become more like Him.  I am grateful for the healing power of the Atonement that allows my Savior to succor me.  To ease the burdens of my pains.

I came across this quote last night, "Patience is the key to paradise" (Turkish Proverb).  I know that as I take this journey day by day, moment by moment at times, I will find that paradise.  I will be blessed beyond measure. 

Courage

This morning after watching a Mormon message I was prompted to read the story of Esther.  I am a bit embarrassed to say that I had never read the story.  I have heard it referred to many times in lessons at church, but never read it for myself. 

I am amazed at Esther's courage as she went to the king to plea for the lives of her people (the Jews), knowing that because of the law she could be put to death.  Would I be able to do the same if I had been in her shoes?  Would I have the courage and faith in God that Esther had?

Wikipedia says "Courage is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation."

As I read this definition and ponder on my life since the disclosure of Mr. Hopeful's addiction and my recent recognition of my own co-dependency addiction I am able to see that, like Esther, I have unknowingly shown courage in the face of my current trials.

On a daily basis I have to confront fears--fears that are a direct result of Mr. Hopeful's addiction and others that have been a part of me for a couple decades.  When I acknowledge the fears I have and turn them over to the Lord I am exhibiting courage.  I am confronting fears that, in the past, have paralyzed me and sent me into a tailspin.

I have had to face the reality of the pain that has been caused because of Mr. Hopeful's addiction.  And at the same time have had to feel the pain of realizing my own sins and character flaws.  Yet, as I feel this pain I am given courage from the Lord to face it and learn from it.

During the past 18 months or so I have also had to confront times of uncertainty regarding the future of my marriage.  Would we be able to make it through?  Did I want to try to make it work, was it really worth it?  Did HE want me enough to make it work?  Did I deserve a second (third, fourth....tenth) chance after treating Mr. Hopeful so poorly?

I have had to lean on my Savior for the courage to do all of these things.  I have NOT been able to do it on my own, but through faith in Him I have been able to push through with courage. 

Deuteronomy 31:6 reads, " Be strong and a of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."

I love what one of the women says in the video, "Brave is just acting in faith."  As I have faith in the Lord and in HIS plan for me, I can move forward with courage and know that "all things will work for my good". 

I have everything when I have courage and faith in Him. 

Needs

As a mom I am constantly worrying about and taking care of the needs of my family.  There is the seemlingly never ending list of needs--Diapers that need changing, meals that need prepared, laundry needing washed and folded, stories to be read, homework that needs to be checked and explained, baby that needs fed, cuddle time, kisses for the little bumps and bruises, attention as they tell me about their day, hugs just to know they are loved, a house that needs straightened up, and the list goes on and on and on.

I love being a mom and a wife.  I am grateful that my Father in Heaven has blessed my husband with a great job that provides well for our large family.  A job that allows me to stay home and tend to the needs of my family.  I am grateful for a husband that is willing to sacrifice so much to provide for his family. 

I have become very adept at knowing what my children need.  There are times I do not get it right, but for the most part I know what they need and am able to fill those needs.  Although not by my own efforts for sure. 

In the past I have felt that I knew what my husband's needs were as well.  I felt that I was pretty good at meeting those needs.  We were physically intimate often (probably not often enough for him), I made good meals, I helped him with projects around the yard, made sure he had a clean house to come home to, etc.

When hubby's addiction came to light I felt as though I was no longer enough.  I had been kidding myself in thinking I had been meeting any of his needs.   I felt worthless, as my life revolved around taking care of our children's and HIS needs. 

I became convinced that I knew what he NEEDED to overcome this addiciton.  That I was the ONE that could help him "kick it" for good.  I studied with him, prayed with him, asked him how he was doing regarding temptations, removed perceived temptations out of his path, and so much more. 

And then he relapsed. 

How was it possible for him to relapse when I knew what HE needed?  I was trying so hard to fill all of his needs so that he would never need to act out again.  What happened? 

In truth, I have NO idea what HE needs.  How prideful of me to think that I knew what hubby needed.  And that I could provide what HE needed. 

In fact, I have come to realize that I don't even know what I, myself, need. 

There is only ONE who knows what we each need.  He is "the One" that can give us what we truly need.  He suffered EVERYTHING that we will ever suffer--pains of sin, temptations, heartache, discomforts, EVERYTHING.  He didn't have to feel all that we would feel, but He loved us so much that HE willingly chose to suffer our pains in order to know how to help US.  So He could know exactly what we would need in those times of despair.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said ". . . we need to understand that He knows what we do not know.  He see what we do not see.  Trust in Him.  He knows what is best for His child . . ."

I need to trust that the Lord does know what is best for me.  He knows what trials I need for my spiritual growth.  He knows what I need to heal, to be forgiven, and what I need to experience a true change of heart.  I need to trust that He can and will take care of my needs when I can't for myself.

I also need to trust that He knows the same for my hubby.  That HE can do for hubby that which I was trying to do for him, but should not have and could not do. 

Also, I need remember that I am unable to know everything that my children need.    While I am aware of their needs for food, clean clothes, cuddles, etc, I am not aware of what they may need spiritually and emotionally.   As their mom it is my responsibility to teach them who can help them with ALL of their needs, big or small.  It is my duty to help them understand that their Savior is there for them to help them with their needs.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5)

I do not know what is best for me.  I do not understand what I need to grow and develp spiritually.  I can't know what is best for hubby.  I do not understand what he needs.  Only the Lord knows that and I am putting my trust in HIM that He knows what I need.  What hubby needs.  What my family needs.

Lifting Burdens

 

A few weeks ago I had a day when I was struggling a great deal.  I felt very down on myself.  I felt forgotten by the Lord, despite knowing in my heart otherwise.  In turn, I isolated myself from Him.

I had an experience that day that made me know that He hadn't forgotten me.  He IS aware of me and He loves me. That He will carry me through this difficult time.

I stepped out of the shower that morning and heard my 2-year old crying.  He is always climbing up on something so I was afraid that he might have fallen or might possibly be stuck up on a shelf unable to get down.  I quickly threw a towel around me and ran to the sound of his cry.

I found him at the bottom of the stairs with an arm full of toy cars.  He was trying desperately to carry all of the cars but he kept dropping them.  As he would pick one up two more would drop.  He was frustrated that he couldn't carry all of them. 

In effort to help him, I bent down to take the cars from him and carry them up the stairs for him which caused him to cry all the more.  I tried to let him know that I was only trying to help him, but he was UPSET.  He wanted to carry all of them on his own despite being able to.

As this situation played out I received a strong impression from the Lord.  I have been trying to carry everything on my own, unable to because there is just too much.  I don't have to try to do it on my own.  He is there for me, waiting for me to hand my burdens, my "arm full of cars", to Him.

It is not like this lesson was new to me in anyway, but I needed a gentle reminder.   

Like my son, I have "screamed" at the Lord when He has tried to help me with my load.  When I thought I need to do this on my own.  Other times I have handed him a few of my "cars" only to take them back.

A scripture came to mind as I pondered on this lesson I had been taught.  "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer righteous to be moved." (Psalms 55:22-emphasis mine)

I need to be willing to hand my burdens over to Him.  By doing so He will bless me with His grace to patiently endure the trials that I face. 

I can't expect Him to take ease my burdens without doing something for Him.  In Matthew 11:28-30 we read,

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke [name of Christ] upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (emphasis added)
 

He has asked us to come to Him.  To learn of Him.  When we do so He will ease our burdens.  He will give us rest.

What an amazing blessing this is.

Because of His willingness to suffer for each of our sins, temptations, sorrows, pains, discomforts, etc, the Savior has a perfect knowledge of what we are feeling.  The burdens that we are carrying because He carried them FOR us.  He has compassion on us in our times of difficulty. 

Elder Flávio A. Cooper said,

"The Savior can respond to our requests for help in several ways, including (a) relieving or lightening our burdens, (b) increasing our strength to carry our burdens, (c) allowing increased burdens to give us needed experience, and (d) not providing immediate help in order to test and strengthen our faith and to teach us."
 

I have personally felt my burdens be made light and even relieved when I have turned to Him in moments of struggle.  I have received strength to carry the burdens that I have been asked to carry. 

In Mosiah we read the story of Limhi and his people.  The lamanites "put heavy burdens on the backs" of the people of Limhi.  They humbled themselves before the Lord and prayed that he might deliver them from their afflictions.  While the Lord didn't deliver them from bondage he did soften the hearts of the Lamanites that their burdens were lightened.

Then later in Mosiah it tells of Alma and his brethern whose burdens were made light.  “The burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:15)

I find great peace in this quote by Elder Marion D. Hanks. "Thus the promise is that in times of sorrow and affliction, if we endure and reamin faithful and put our trust in Him and are courageous, the Lord will visit us in our afflictions, strengthen us to carry our burdens and support us in our trials.  He'll be with us to the end of our days, lift us at the last day to greater opportunities for service, and exalt us at last with Him and reunited loved one, and He will consecrate our afflictions to our gain."

Consecrate means--Make or declare sacred; dedicate formally to a religious or divine purpose.

While it may not seem so while we are in the thick of it, the difficulties of life are a blessing.  They "initiate a desire within us to come to the Lord." (quote from The Peacegiver)  Our trials and afflictions are there to help us to humble oursleves and turn to Him.  To become more like Him.  This is the divine purpose of our trials.

'And now, my brethren, I desire that ye shall plant this word in your hearts, and as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith.  And behold, it will become a tree, spirnging up in you unto everlasting life.  And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son.  And even all this can ye do if ye will.  Amen" (Alma 33:23)

Going back to the story of my son, there was no possible way for him to carry all of the cars that he was wanting to without dropping them or without help from me.  Just like him, there is no way that I can even begin to carry all that I have been given on my own.  I am not expected to.  I am asked to have faith, learn of Him, and turn to my Savior. 

He can and will help me to carry my burdens.  But I need to allow Him to.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)

He will strengthen me.

 

Tender Mercies

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It seems as though the Lord is pouring out blessings every where I turn.  Or it could be that I am currently in a place, spiritually speaking, that I am able to see and recognize His abundant blessings.  I am humbled as I realize many tender mercies the Lord has blessed me with as of late. 

 

In the LDS ARP manual under Step 2 it reads, "You will see the tender mercies of the Lord in your life as you learn to watch for them and as you come to believe that the power of God can indeed help you recover." (empahsis added) 

 

To be honest, I am not really sure I could have told you what a tender mercy was before I began this journey of recovery.  It was a phrase I had heard and had used, but I didn't KNOW what it meant for me personally.  I didn't understand WHAT a tender mercy was. 

 

David A. Bednar says, " . . . the Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.  Truly, the Lord suits 'his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men'. (D&C 46:15)." (empahsis added)

 

He goes on to say, " . . . as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord." 

 

As I face the challenge of moving forward from the pain and despair that I have felt in the wake of huby's addiction and the reality of my own addictions, I truly have been blessed with the "gift of faith".  Faith in knowing that He is there for me, to carry me.  That He loves me.  Faith in knowing that He can heal me.  Faith that He can change my heart if I am willing to turn myself, character flaws and all, over to Him.  Faith that He hears my prayers and will answer them.

 

Sunday night my family and I were driving home from a quick visit to my parent's house two hours away.  It was late, I was tired, and my two youngest children were crying.  And not just crying, they were S.C.R.E.A.M.I.N.G.  We were getting low on gas, but I felt that I shouldn't stop to fill up becasuse it was the sabbath.  I did think to myself that if I stopped to fill up I might be able to console the little ones enough that the final half hour of the trip would be void of crying.  However, I chose not to stop for gas.  The crying became worse and was really starting to grate on me and I could feel myself sinking into a dark place.  I silently said a prayer to my Father in Heaven asking him to give me the strength to deal with the crying and that we might be able to make it home with enough gas for me to pick up my kindergartener the next morning.  While the crying did NOT stop, in fact, it got WORSE the Lord blessed me with the strength and ability to handle the crying.  I immediately felt my spirits lift and I was pulled out of the dark place I had been.  We made it home with enough gas to make it the following morning to pick up my son and get to town to fill up.  This answer to my prayer was a tender mercy from a loving Father in Heaven.

 

Elder Bednar continues, "The Lord's tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence.  Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord's timing that enables us to recognize and treasure thes important blessings." (empahsis added)

 

I have to come to see that the more I turn my will over to the Lord, the more readily he blesses me.  I am inviting "His tender mercies as I use my agency to choose God."  What a wonderful concept.  The more I choose to be faithful and obedient, the more willing He will be to bless me.  And the more my eyes are opened to those blessings. 

 

Monday night hubby and I were blessed to experience an amazing, humbling tender mercy from the Lord.  I had been feeling bombarded by whisperings from the adversary and was struggling greatly.  I was a sobbing, tear-streaked mess.  Hubby asked me if I would like a blessing.  Why didn't I think of that?  Anyway...hubby then proceeded to give me one of the most powerful blessings I have had or witnessed, next to my own patriarchal blessing.  The spirit was SO wonderfully strong.  I truly felt that He knows who I am and He is there with me fighting this battle with me. That He loves me. 

 

I am grateful for a husband who was inspired to ask if I wanted a blessing.  That he has been living a life of "obedience and humility" and was able, through the Priesthood, to give me a blessing of strength.   I am grateful that I, too, have been living a life of faith and obedience and was able to receive such a beautiful tender mercy from a loving Father in Heaven. 

 

My heart is full for the abundant blessings that the Lord has poured out upon me.  For the miracles that the Lord is working in my husband, myself, our marriage, and our family.  I know that He wants us to heal and to be changed.  He is blessing us in those efforts.  

 

"We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord's tender mercies.  The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live.  When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attmept to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaulation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance (see 1 Ne. 1:20)." (emphasis mine)

 

May we all be able to recognize the tender mercies of the Lord, that we may remember we are  NOT alone as the adversary would have us believe.  That the tender mercies truly can "fortify and protect us" in our trials.  He truly can make us "mighty even unto the power of deliverance."

 

Check out this mp3...

The Tender Mercies of the Lord 

Like a Child

As I was laying in bed feeding my baby the other morning the thought came to me, "she has to depend on you for EVERYTHING, she can do nothing for herself." As I pondered on that statement several scriptures came to mind . . .

" . . . Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kindgdom of heaven. Whosoever therfore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3-4

" . . . be not children in understanding; howbeit in malice be ye children, but in understanding be men." 1 Corinthians 14:20

" . . . and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19

What qualities do my my baby and young children posses that I might not? What can I learn from my young infant, from my young children that might help me as I work on my own sprititual growth?

"These precious children of God come to us with believing hearts. They are full of faith and receptive to feelings of the Spirit. They exemplify humility, obedience, and love. They are often the first to love and the first to forgive." Jean A. Stevens, 2011 April General Conference

I have always found it interesting when I get after one of my young children that they immediately turn to me for a hug. They have already forgiven me for being upset with them. How I wish that I would forgive as easily as children do.

In the LDS ARP manual part of Step 1 asks "How can a little child be of infinite worth and still be nothing when to compared to his or her parents?" This takes me back to the thought I had while feeding my little girl. While she is small compared to me, her mother, she is a daughter of God, a child "of the most High" and therefore has infinite worth. We read in Doctorine & Covenants 18:10 "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.” We are all little children, children of our Father in Heaven. Sometimes it is too easy for me to forget that I am a daughter of God and that my "worth is great in His sight".

I need to remember to become more like a child when it comes to forgiving others. More believing and "receptive to feelings of the Spirit". I need to become more willing to love, more obedient. I need to be more humble and willing to submit to my Father in Heaven.

Shoulder tap

I was quickly checking Facebook the other day and came across a quote that resonated with me, especially since this past weekend I did the opposite of what it says; but that is another post for another day. 

Just because the past taps you on the shoulders, doesn't mean you have to look back.
 

Most days I do pretty well staying in the present, focusing on today, and not allowing "yesterday to hold today or tomorrow hostage".  However, there are days when I can feel the past tapping me on the shoulder, when I can feel Satan trying to get me to feel the awful hurt and worthlessness that I felt.  I have found that I can turn to the Lord and honestly tell him that I am struggling with those feelings and to please bless me with His grace in handling these feelings.  I can't expect Him to take it every time I ALLOW those feelings to take over my mind, my heart, my day.  I need to make every conscious effort to keep from allowing myself to "look back" and allow those thoughts and feelings in.  By letting the thoughts in I am not allowing the Lord to bless me with His grace, with His strength and peace.

Not Forgotten

Shortly after hubby's most recent disclosure I was reading the conference addresses and this particular talk, "The Lord Has Not Forgotten You" by Linda S. Reeves brought much hope and peace to my aching heart. 

 

She shares one of her favorite stories from the Savior's life . . .the story of Lazarus.  Jesus loved Mary, Martha, and Lazarus very much.  He was told that Lazarus was sick, but didn't he did not go right away  to Lazarus.  Instead He said,

“this sickness is … for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.”

Lazarus died and after two days Jesus went to Mary and Martha.  Mary was so overcome with sorrow that she threw herself at the Savior's feet and wept. 

 We are told that “when Jesus therefore saw [Mary] weeping, … he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,” 

The Savior asked where they had laid Lazarus  

Then we read some of the most compassionate, loving words in scripture: “Jesus wept.”.

 Apostle James E. Talmage wrote, “The sight of the two women so overcome by grief … caused Jesus to sorrow [with them] so that He groaned in spirit and was deeply troubled.” This experience testifies of the compassion, empathy, and love that our Savior and our Heavenly Father feel for each of us every time we are weighed down by the anguish, sin, adversity, and pains of life.

 Dear sisters, our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, know us and love us. They know when we are in pain or suffering in any way. They do not say, “It’s OK that you’re in pain right now because soon everything is going to be all right. You will be healed, or your husband will find a job, or your wandering child will come back.” They feel the depth of our suffering, and we can feel of Their love and compassion in our suffering.
 

She then shared Alma 7:11-12:

“And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

“And he will take upon him … their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, … that he may know … how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (empahsis added)

 

In the wake of hubby's disclosure I had felt forgotten.  How could Heavenly Father let this happen to me?  Why didn't He give me some warning or sign that something was wrong in my marriage, that my husband was hurting so much inside that he had no regard for me, for our family.  I felt so low and forgotten that unfortunately I didn't think to pray.  However, my Father in Heaven offered me a tender mercy by leading me to this article to le me know that He hadn't forgotten me, that he was very aware of me and my struggles.

 

Looking back, I now see that I had to hit a "rock bottom" of my own in order for me to turn to my Father in Heaven and my Savior.  This talk helped me to see that despite what my husband does or does not do, that my Savior is there to give me hope, peace, healing, love, and forgiveness.  I just need to turn to HIM and turn my will over to Him.

He has not forgotten you! Whatever sin or weakness or pain or struggle or trial you are going through, He knows and understands those very moments. He loves you! And He will carry you through those moments, just as He did Mary and Martha. He has paid the price that He might know how to succor you. Cast your burdens upon Him. Tell your Heavenly Father how you feel. Tell Him about your pain and afflictions and then give them to Him. Search the scriptures daily. There you will also find great solace and help. (empahsis added)

This talk brought me so much hope and peace at a time when I didn't think I would ever be able to be happy again that I decided that this would be the title of my recovery blog.  It server as a constant reminder that He hasn't forgotten me, that He loves me, that He understands.