Needs

As a mom I am constantly worrying about and taking care of the needs of my family.  There is the seemlingly never ending list of needs--Diapers that need changing, meals that need prepared, laundry needing washed and folded, stories to be read, homework that needs to be checked and explained, baby that needs fed, cuddle time, kisses for the little bumps and bruises, attention as they tell me about their day, hugs just to know they are loved, a house that needs straightened up, and the list goes on and on and on.

I love being a mom and a wife.  I am grateful that my Father in Heaven has blessed my husband with a great job that provides well for our large family.  A job that allows me to stay home and tend to the needs of my family.  I am grateful for a husband that is willing to sacrifice so much to provide for his family. 

I have become very adept at knowing what my children need.  There are times I do not get it right, but for the most part I know what they need and am able to fill those needs.  Although not by my own efforts for sure. 

In the past I have felt that I knew what my husband's needs were as well.  I felt that I was pretty good at meeting those needs.  We were physically intimate often (probably not often enough for him), I made good meals, I helped him with projects around the yard, made sure he had a clean house to come home to, etc.

When hubby's addiction came to light I felt as though I was no longer enough.  I had been kidding myself in thinking I had been meeting any of his needs.   I felt worthless, as my life revolved around taking care of our children's and HIS needs. 

I became convinced that I knew what he NEEDED to overcome this addiciton.  That I was the ONE that could help him "kick it" for good.  I studied with him, prayed with him, asked him how he was doing regarding temptations, removed perceived temptations out of his path, and so much more. 

And then he relapsed. 

How was it possible for him to relapse when I knew what HE needed?  I was trying so hard to fill all of his needs so that he would never need to act out again.  What happened? 

In truth, I have NO idea what HE needs.  How prideful of me to think that I knew what hubby needed.  And that I could provide what HE needed. 

In fact, I have come to realize that I don't even know what I, myself, need. 

There is only ONE who knows what we each need.  He is "the One" that can give us what we truly need.  He suffered EVERYTHING that we will ever suffer--pains of sin, temptations, heartache, discomforts, EVERYTHING.  He didn't have to feel all that we would feel, but He loved us so much that HE willingly chose to suffer our pains in order to know how to help US.  So He could know exactly what we would need in those times of despair.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said ". . . we need to understand that He knows what we do not know.  He see what we do not see.  Trust in Him.  He knows what is best for His child . . ."

I need to trust that the Lord does know what is best for me.  He knows what trials I need for my spiritual growth.  He knows what I need to heal, to be forgiven, and what I need to experience a true change of heart.  I need to trust that He can and will take care of my needs when I can't for myself.

I also need to trust that He knows the same for my hubby.  That HE can do for hubby that which I was trying to do for him, but should not have and could not do. 

Also, I need remember that I am unable to know everything that my children need.    While I am aware of their needs for food, clean clothes, cuddles, etc, I am not aware of what they may need spiritually and emotionally.   As their mom it is my responsibility to teach them who can help them with ALL of their needs, big or small.  It is my duty to help them understand that their Savior is there for them to help them with their needs.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5)

I do not know what is best for me.  I do not understand what I need to grow and develp spiritually.  I can't know what is best for hubby.  I do not understand what he needs.  Only the Lord knows that and I am putting my trust in HIM that He knows what I need.  What hubby needs.  What my family needs.