3 ". . .they had given themselves to much prayer, and afasting; therefore they had the spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation, and when they taught, they taught with bpower and authority of God."
5 ". . . for they had many afflictions; they did suffer much, both in body and in mind, . . . and also much alabor in the spirit."
9 ". . . and they fasted much and aprayed much that the Lord would grant unto them a portion of his Spirit to go with them, and abide with them, . . ."
10 "And it came to pass that the Lord did avisit them with his bSpirit, and said unto them: Be ccomforted. And they were comforted."
11 "And the Lord said unto them also: . . . yet ye shall be apatient in long-suffering and afflictions, that ye may show forth good bexamples . . . and I will make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls."
29 ". . . I will show forth my power . . . or the power which is in me. . ."Despite witnessing an angel of the Lord, they still had struggles. They weren't given a free pass from trials and afflictions because they repented and devoted their lives to preaching the gospel to the Lamanites. Just they opposite. It says they "suffered much". Physically, mentally, and even spiritually.
I was also reminded of Amulek, when it said Alma "took him [Amulek] to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord." I also though of Joseph Smith. He suffered so many trials and tribulations despite being the man chosen to help restore the Lord's church back on the earth.
If these great men struggled why shouldn't I need to endure trials? It is humbling to realize just how much these trials are a part of the plan and that I knew this before I chose to come to earth and receive a body. I was excited and anxiously awaited my turn. I rejoiced in the Savior's plan. In a blessing I was told that I had faith in Him then, and that as I involve myself in His program my faith in Him will continue to increase.
It says twice in this chapter that they [the sons of Mosiah] "fasted much and prayed much" that they might have "his Spirit to go with them". Then it says the Lord said to them "be comforted" and they were.
The last few weeks I have had a strong impression that I need to be fasting more often than just fast Sunday. That I need to fast for specific help regarding the temptations I have in regards to my co-dependency as well as help with healing from the trauma that I am struggling to overcome. If the sons of Mosiah had to "pray and fast much" why shouldn't I? My hope is that by fasting with real intent more that I might be able to have "his spirit to go with me".
As well as fasting I need to be better at praying throughout the day. Sharing my feelings with the Lord in the moment rather than trying to deal with them on my own. The more I acknowledge the emotions I am feeling and turn them over to the Lord the less I will have the desire to unleash on an unsuspecting Mr. Hopeful.
I believe as I am (as we all are) "patient in long-suffering and afflictions" that He will be able to "make me an instrument in his hands unto the salvation of many souls." We are pioneers. The WoPA's and the addicts. We are ALL pioneers in this fight. I believe as we work our recoveries and learn more about what it is we are dealing with we will be able to help other addicts and spouses alike, understand what it is they are dealing with, and how and WHERE to find help.
This trial stinks. It hurts SO badly. There are so many days where I don't think I can make it through the moment, let alone the entire day. So many days where I feel like throwing up my arms and saying "I QUIT! This is NOT what I signed on for. I am DONE with all of it." But I don't. I am trying to see the blessings in it, although I readily admit that some days I fail miserably. I do know, though, that I am not doing this alone. I can't do it alone.
I loved verse 29 when Ammon says that he will "show forth my power, or the power which is in me". The power for me to have the patience needed to endure this trial, to be changed, to forgive is not my own. It is the power, GRACE, given to me by the Lord. It is the Atonement at work in my life. This is the only place that I (and Mr. Hopeful) can ever hope to find true, lasting recovery.
I do not have power enough on my own to do ANYTHING. But with Him, with my Savior, I can do EVERYTHING.
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