Friday, January 4, 2013

Hostage

I have been studying out of my Healing Through Christ manual and came across a qoute from Elder Neal A. Maxwell that I love, "not looking back, and refusing to let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage."  When I focus on yesterday, my marriage and my husband previous to finding out about his addiction,  I am in fact holding tomorrow and most often today hostage.  I find that I am unable to do anything productive, I wallow in my sadness of what I had hoped my marriage would be.  I am cheating my family, my husband, and mostly MYSELF of the gift that today is.  When I rely on the Lord to help me stay present in the here and now I am better able to feel His peace and am able to look to tomorrow with hope. 
As I learn more about my husband's addiction, I am beginning to understand what a HUGE part of the addiction is going into his head to escape reality in fantasy (not always of a sexual nature), he just isn't present in the moment.   In turn, I am learning that I do the same in my own addiction of co-dependency.  When I focus on yesterday and the hurt, lies, breach of trust, etc. I, too, am escaping reality.  In order to heal and find the hope and peace that I am so desperately seeking, I NEED to "not look back . . . and let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage."

3 comments:

  1. i know exactly what you mean. sometimes it's hard to let things from yesterday go. but it is so healthy to live in the now. thanks for the reminder.

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  2. Me, too! It is hard to let go. The neat thing is FORGIVENESS. When I was holding on to all of the anger, resentment, and sorrow I was Dammed...stopped...not progressing spiritually.

    After finding forgiveness, I felt peace and freedom to move forward in my recovery. It took time, but it was a major burden lifted.

    Some say, "when you forgive you never truly forget." I bear witness that when you forgive, you don't forget what they have done, but you forget the horrible feelings that accompanied it. At least that is how I feel about it. And, I believe God has fogged my memory of the details of the addiction, since my husband did actually share his whole inventory (step 4) with me. I can't remember everything, nor do I want to, it's in the past.

    Thanks for sharing this...I like that quote.

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  3. I love this part: "When I rely on the Lord to help me stay present in the here and now..." I'm trying desperately to live in the moment and to live day by day. Some days I am doing better than others, but I keep on trying. I am slowly learning that I don't have to CHOOSE to live in the present and then report to the Lord. I can come to Him all along the way and RELY on HIM to help me be that way. Admin Michelle often says, "we don't have to wait until we are perfect to come to Him, He wants us to come to Him wherever we are at." I'm not sure I am explaining it right, but it's been a big eye opener to me.

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